It was an ordinary day and I was strolling through the park, just searching for something to do. Gazing into the distance I saw a crowd starting to gather. As I ambled up the path I caught a glimpse of what they were staring at.
It was large in size and had golden and pitch black stripes. My mind was ticking over; I had seen this creature before but this time it was bigger than a car. It was a bee! Normally bees are minuscule but this was huge, which made it awfully frightening.
I wondered if this was just the beginning?
1 Comment
Cath (Team100, Melbourne, Australia) · 14 November 2020 at 12:35 pm
Hello Lachie, what a well written story! You have used language correctly and effectively. You started your story so well using words such as “strolling”, “gazing”, “ambling” set the scene for a nice pleasant walk full with all things ordinary. Then you were able to change the pace to show the reader that things had changed; “pitch black”, “ticking over”, “awfully frightening” and using an exclamation all contribute to this. Excellent writing. Well done.
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