Today I went to see the doctor because I had puss oozing out of my ear. We waited half an hour to get into the nurse’s office and another half hour to actually see the doc. We were placed in a room and it reminded me of a time when I got my grommets inserted for the first time. The style was exactly the same. I remember when they gave me laughing gas and my mum said, “Do you want a milkshake?” and I replied, “Ok”. “What flavour?” she asked before I passed out. Lucky I stayed conscious this time.
Categories: 100 Word Challenge
1 Comment
Jusden (Team 100) · 16 October 2018 at 7:03 pm
Hi Brookes,
This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! This week’s prompt is a sentence – ‘it reminded me of a time when.’ Bringing visual effect to the words, you describe a setting which follows a character in a domestic setting, having a medical procedure done. By setting out the plot early in the piece, a medical setting, you create a structure which gives the piece stability and puts the reader in the centre of the action. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This theme of doctors and medicine is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as most people have experienced going to their doctors or taking some sort of medicine at some point in their lives. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this too as I have also had to experience what it is like to go to the doctors, or sometimes more seriously when having to be taken into hospital for a procedure – I used to have grommets in too! By explaining clearly the atmosphere, such as when the character went to see the doctors, you engage with the reader and add to the setting. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specific information like how he character’s ear was ‘oozing’ with puss, demonstrates great imagination. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. The piece continues to develop, as the character remembers a similar time that they had to see the doctor. The comparison of these two times is really effective and authentic, with a specific scenario given for each problem. The ending of falling asleep under the laughing gas is a funny one, and gives some great comic relief at the end of the piece – very authentic as well. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of question marks. Keep up the good work!
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