This morning, I chose to have a bath instead of my usual shower. I put an orange bath bomb in my bath. When I got out I realised my skin was orange like a carrot, but it wouldn’t come off.
When I went to school I decided to sign up for a dance competition, called Eye Danced, but I was worried about my weird skin. I wanted to look like a dancer, not an orange fighter fish! When I went to dance class, I wanted to take peoples’ minds off my coloured skin, so I danced clumsily. It worked great.
2 Comments
Mrs. Flanagan, St. Charles, Illinois, Team 100 WC · 21 October 2018 at 3:31 am
I laughed out loud when I read your blog post, Michelle! You incorporated this week’s challenge words in a very entertaining way. I could completely picture how your character’s skin must have looked following that bath-gone-wrong! I think it would have been even more effective if she would have already signed up for the dance competition before her skin turned orange. Did she win the competition with her unique dance moves?
Jusden (Team 100) · 23 October 2018 at 11:41 pm
Hi Brookes,
This is a really nice piece, a great use of the prompt! This week’s prompt is a variety of words, each of very different nature. Bringing visual effect to the words, you describe a setting which follows a character in a domestic setting. By setting out the plot early in the piece, a domestic setting, you create a structure which gives the piece stability and puts the reader in the centre of the action. Using this makes the reader feel attached to the piece, and makes them more engaged. This makes the piece interesting right from the start. This theme of dance is one that many will be familiar with, even in their own personal lives, as most people will have experienced spending time dancing at some point of their lives, or will have watched other people dance either in person or on the television. This makes it very relatable to the reader. This makes the reader imagine such a visual description of the setting as a whole. I can relate to this too as I have also enjoyed spending time dancing, relishing in the chance to dance at parties, and actually enjoy the benefits of exercise it gives to you. My dancing is pretty terrible though, so that stops me! I have enjoyed watching programmes like Strictly Come Dancing in the past with family, so this was a great read for me! By explaining clearly the atmosphere, that the character starts the day off with a wash, you engage with the reader and add to the setting. I myself have always started with this daily routine, so I can definitely relate to the story. You use imagery which fits perfectly with the setting. Bringing in specific information like how the character uses an orange bath bomb, demonstrates great imagination. This puts the reader in the front of the story, and this really makes you focus on the piece. Emphasis on the bath bomb is really great as these are very popular today, and do come in a variety of shapes and bright colours. The piece continues to develop, as the character realises that their skin has turned orange, clearly a very embarrassing situation for them which they would otherwise have wanted to avoid. This is realistic as many people have experienced such embarrassing accidents. The more dramatic the worse it is! The mention of deciding to enter a dance competition brings the dance element into the piece, and this is made worrying by the fact the character is covered in orange. The ending of the character dancing clumsily to distract from their orange skin is a funny ending to the piece, and gets the character away with her problem. Good use of grammar and punctuation too, especially your use of full stops. Keep up the good work!
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